When someone appears flat, withdrawn or “glum” in a meeting, it’s easy to misread them. We often assume disengagement, resistance, or difficulty. But psychological research, including work on depressive realism, shows us something more nuanced. Some individuals aren’t withdrawing; they’re scanning. They’re assessing risk in a way that many teams overlook.
In senior teams, this vigilance isn’t negativity. It’s a protective stance.
And when we misinterpret it, we lose access to a perspective that is often more accurate, more grounded, and more attuned to the realities of a difficult change programme.
In this short video, I explore how depressive realism can show up in leadership settings, and why the people who carry this stance are so often misunderstood.
Below are the three practical ways I suggest to bring them into the conversation rather than avoiding them:
1. Ask for their take, rather than sidestepping them. This honours their vigilance and avoids the trap of toxic positivity. You’re signalling that their realism is welcome, not a problem to be managed.
2. Speak to them before the meeting. Belonging should come before contribution. A brief pre‑conversation can shift how safe they feel to share their perspective.
3. Change the conversational architecture. Not every pathway should point back to the leader. Let people talk in pairs or triads first. This reduces the competitive “reporting up” dynamic and allows more grounded voices to emerge.
Teams don’t need everyone to be upbeat. They need everyone to feel included especially those whose vigilance helps the team see what others might miss.
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